The 10 Worst Fighting Fantasy Covers of All Time

Back when I was a fantasy loving nerdling with suspect taste in books, I was big into gamebooks. This was in Ye Olde 90s before Al Gore invented the internet and the only computer game I had ever played was Alley Cat (Like Canada, my family were late adopters and only experienced the 80s in the 90s). So my main experience with interactive games were through gamebooks - Choose Your Own Adventure books on steroids.

Fighting Fantasy was my second favourite of these gamebooks, behind sociopathic sun worshipper Lone Wolf. We had the first 18 or so in Portuguese, so I would slay monsters and loot their bodies all under the pretense of furthering my second language skills. It also allowed me to hone my cheating skills since Fighting Fantasy books were almost impossible to win without fudging the hell out of them.



Looking up the Fighting Fantasy series online, I learned that: 

a.) the books have a devoted fanbase to this day

b.) they've been republished and relaunched over the last decade
c.) the original covers are terrible, even by the standards of fantasy art

I didn't remember the book covers being particularly awful, mostly because the cover art for the earlier books I had was decent. None of them would win any awards for good taste of course, but they were generally very well-done without the "monster riding a monster with a monster coming out of its mouth" overkill that the later covers would suffer from. The ones pictured above are legitimately good pieces of pulpy fantasy art.

There's a noticeable decline in quality around the 20s where they go from generic to "Who approved this shit?". Here, in no particular order, are ten of the worst:



Let's start with the relatively benign. This one wouldn't be anything special without the shark guards. At least I think they're sharks. The one on the right looks like a very angry mole.

It's the proportions that get me on this one.How does the top-heavy gladiator standing on those itty-bitty calves? And why does he have a miniature novelty shield?

The Tyrannosaurus Rex looks like it's got the upper hand right now but I'm placing my bets on a comeback by Samurai Iron Man

 

This is one of the ones I had and remember as being unmitigated shit. Here are the legions of chaos standing in an orderly line. What are they standing in line for? Whatever it is, the werewolf is ready to be served.

"Hmmm, how do I imaginatively convey the title of this book. I know! A tower that literally flies around shooting shooting flames." The idea of a magical moving building isn't the worst - think Baba Yaga or Howl's Moving Castle. But the thing looks like a Nintendo end boss. Just imagine having to avoid it jumping on you while it shoots deadly fireballs at your head.

Look at that creature. Just look at it. Are you scared by that? This is an early encounter goon at best. He has a sidecar on his flying car for fuck's sake.

You'd think a book series aimed at preteen boys would research their dinosaurs better. If there's any demographic likely to complain about this inaccurate depiction of a herbivorous dinosaur, it's that one. At least the Stegosaurus's razor-sharp teeth will distract kids from the fact that that carving has an anus for a mouth.

Did they steal this font from a Goosebumps book? Did they steal this entire cover from a Goosebumps book? I do like Zorak's hat.

Can you imagine the wind resistance on this thing? I've seen concrete blocks that look more aerodynamic. If I was in a Mad Max-style apocalypse, I'd damn well want  a faster car (and a better hairstyle). Those spikes sure look deadly though. I bet they could shred an enemy car's tyres, provided this thing ever gained enough speed to get close to an enemy car's tyres.

Where to begin? The main monster's doofy second pair of eyes above the first. The spirits coming out of the nostrils. Squidward there in the front  as a claw monster. There is not any part of this picture that's not an affront to the eyes.

BONUS GOOD(?) COVER

I was going to declare this next one the worst Fighting Fantasy cover of all time before I realised how much of a mistake that would be. This is actually the best.

This last one is trotted out often in threads and blogposts dedicated to bad fantasy covers and it's not hard to see why. A gwar-faced bald warrior with a tiger codpiece is using Sabretooths as water skis. Even that weird-ass font can't ruin this cover. How could I in good conscience call this the worst when it is so ridiculously awesome?