The Year of the Badass Movie Heroine

I love kickass female leads in SFF and action movies. Not Strong Female Characters, who are inconsistently written, have the emotional depth of a penny and are basically life support systems for their boobs, but women who are as well-realised as their male counterparts.

So you can imagine how excited I am that there are several female-led upcoming movies that look pretty damn fantastic. And not one of them is a generic Angelina Jolie action vehicle. Trailers and early buzz are promising and it's a good bet at least a couple of them will make a bazillion dollars and inspire Hollywood to take more chances on female-fronted flicks.

The Hunger Games



What it's about: In a dystopian future, teens are chosen by lottery to fight each other to the death for the benefit of bloodthirsty viewers. It's Battle Royale for the reality TV age.

People have been comparing this to Twilight. It's exactly like Twilight in the way killer whales are exactly like marmosets. The heroine is not an insipid dishrag with a stalker boyfriend and no-one sparkles. Jennifer Lawrence basically reprises her Winter's Bone character only the meth-addicted Hillbillies have been replaced with a city full of oppressive Lady Gagas. Don't put too much stock in the bland trailer: critics are already in love with it and it's set to be the next massive franchise.

Mass appeal: Unlike Twilight, guys will actually be willing to be seen watching this

The Hunger Games comes out 13 April in SA.


Snow White and the Huntsman


What's it about: You know the drill. Evil queen tries to kill Snow White through poisoned produce. Add some Lord of the Rings veneer and you get SWATH.

Here's my secret: despite spending the paragraph above taking cheap shots at Twilight, I actually like Kristen Stewart. I think she's better than the blinking twitching mess that is Bella Swan, so I'm rooting for this movie. And after watching this trailer, I know I'm on the right track. Sure, it may have jacked the Inception music but the spectacular visuals stand on their own. Thor plays the huntsman and Charlize Theron's the fabulous embodiment of wicked vanity who's no doubt going to steal the movie away from everyone else.

Mass appeal: Did I mention the Lord of the Rings veneer? Everyone loves a good epic. Just don't get it mixed up with that other Snow White movie.

Snow White and the Huntsman comes out 01 June in SA.


Prometheus


What's it about: Nosy humans go exploring on a mysterious planet and, as these things tend to go, unleash an unspeakable evil. Measures must be taken to avoid earth being destroyed.

Just watch the trailer. And then look at the awe-inspiring poster. Lisbeth Salander (the original Swedish version) does the Ripley thing in an Alien prequel directed by Ridley Scott himself. Do you really need to know any more than that? Charlize is in this one too but she's probably alien-chow so don't get too attached.

Mass appeal: It's an Aliens movie with the original director back in the helm. No Predator means no cheap cash-grab either.

Prometheus comes out 08 June in SA.


Brave


What's it about: Brave is about a fierce Scottish ginger who hunts, shoots bullseyes and takes on bears. And, uh, accidentally releases a curse onto the land. Whoops.

A new Pixar movie! And they've finally decided to feature a female lead character! There's a wild princess who shoots bows while her parents want her to be delicate and shit. There are kilt jokes and lovely Scottish accents. It's Pixar and there are no Cars involved so it's got about a 95% percent chance of being amazing.

Mass appeal: Do I even need to mention why? Starts with P, ends with ixar. They could make a movie about a talking turd and it would still be a massive hit that has everyone crying in the theatre.
Brave comes out 03 August in SA.

Are They Serious With This Shit: Crappy Movie Edition

Seen while checking out an Oh No They Didn't movie poster megapost (scroll down slowly for maximum effect):

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey First Trailer

Hey, remember the best fantasy movies ever made? The first trailer for the prequel to that is out. What is the collective name for a group of Dwarves anyway? An axe? A shaft? Or is it a tossing of Dwarves?

Can you believe it's been a whole decade since The Fellowship of the Ring wowed cinema-goers for the first time? If The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey can recapture some of that movie magic, we're set for another fantasy classic.

The first part of The Hobbit comes out a whole year from now, if you can wait that long.

The Amazing Spiderman + Dark Knight Rises Posters

No blue/orange nonsense here, just a great use of an iconic logo.  The untold story part is worthy of an eyebrow-raise though - only if we pretend this isn't a reboot of a franchise that only came to an end a couple of years ago. Here's hoping it's as good as X-Men: First Class.

Meanwhile, the new Batman poster tries to top "Why So Serious?" with the promise of Bats getting his ass kicked in the rain.

Where did all the colour go in superhero movie advertising?

Awesome Possum: Ryan Gosling

There are a lot of awesome people - talented, smart, noble, kind and generally all-round cool. But a lot of the time, we take their awesomeness for granted or, even worse, overlook them in favour of  gossiping about trashy reality show contestants and trainwreck celebs. So this is my little corner of the internet dedicated to giving them a little love. I'm going to start with one of my favourite young actors.

Ryan Gosling

Stick Figure Review of Twilight: Breaking Dawn

See this? This is what true art looks like. This is when a pithy doodle is worth a thousand over-written reviews.

Source

The Very Accurate, Not at All Bullshit Roundup of This Week's Movies

Wondering what movie to watch this weekend? You could do what the producers of New Year's Eve did when they were deciding which actors to pair up in their movie - blindly throw darts at a board. Or you could consult my super-handy guide which distils the essence of this weeks' movies into a few sentences.

New Year's Eve


In Waterworld, Kevin Costner had to purify and drink his own pee in order to survive a world without fresh water. Think of New Year's Eve as that pee - Love Actually was the original fresh water, Valentine's Day was the first pee, New Year's Eve is the pee of the pee, and any subsequent holiday-based ensemble romantic comedies will continue the cycle of pee-cycling.

Arthur Christmas


It is a proven fact that 97.8 percent of all Christmas-based movies suck. This movie is by the people who did Wallace and Gromit and features a voice cast that includes James McAvoy, Hugh Laurie and Bill Nighy, so it might not suck. Don't worry, a Chipmunk movie is opening next week to fill the crap Christmas movie quota.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark


Katie Holmes stars in a movie about shady beings who who are responsible for the disappearance of anyone who crosses them. No, it's not a documentary on Scientology.

Drive


Ryan Gosling is a stunt driver with a shiny jacket who gets a hit put out on him when his real-life attempt to play Grand Theft Auto goes horribly wrong. Based on the critically acclaimed movie Drive Angry with Gosling in the Nicolas Cage role.

Brighton Rock


A gangster flick set in the 60s that's a remake of a movie from the 40s, based on a book set in the 30s. The story follows a young thug named Pinkie, who's got to be a hardass bastard because how else would he survive the underworld with a name like Pinkie?

Satyagraha



It's a minimalist opera about the life of Gandhi and based on an ancient Sanskrit text. Oh, and it doesn't come with subtitles. Sounds like a crowd-pleaser.

My recommendation


New Year's Eve. Be honest, aren't you just a little curious about a movie that pairs Michelle Pfeiffer with Zac Efron, Lea Michelle and Ashton Kuctcher, and Halle Berry and Robert DeNiro?

Trent Reznor and Karen O Tackle Led Zeppelin

The first trailer for David Fincher's upcoming Girl With a Dragon Tattoo was pretty cool, thanks in no small part to an amazing cover of Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song by Trent Reznor and Karen O. Now the full track is available on iTunes.



Whether the movie surpasses the Swedish version is anyone's guess, but the soundtrack certainly looks to be cracking. There's a free six-song sampler to wet your appetite. The full soundtrack will is three hours long so Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross obviously had a very productive few months.

Leon Schuster To Poop Out New Movie 2012

Filmgoers rejoice! Leon Schuster is releasing another crime against comedy in 2012. His latest movie Mad Buddies will be a departure from his tired candid camera schtick. Instead of Schuster catching unwitting subjects in high-larious comedic set-ups, Schuster himself will be the subject of a covert reality show. As per the official Facebook synopsis:

The film kicks off when sworn enemies, Boetie (Schuster) and Beast, played by Kenneth Nkosi (Jerusalema, Tsotsi, White Wedding), are forced to embark on a road trip as unwitting subjects of a new TV reality show devised by a gorgeous TV Producer, Kelsey, played by Tanit Phoenix (Spud, Straight Outta Benoni). On camera, with the whole of South Africa in on the joke, the pair comes unstuck at every stage of this hilarious journey until they discover that they have been conned and join forces to exact revenge.

What's On at the Bioskoop

Wondering what to watch on your movie date this week? Sure it's only Monday but deciding what movie to watch is a critical decision that could affect as much as 90 to 180 minutes of your life. Happily, I have spent countless hours watching trailers, reading reviews, observing nit-picky IMDB discussions in order to bring you a comprehensive guide of as many as three lines per movie on what's opening this Friday.

Real Steel



Hugh Jackman stars as a washed-up boxer who tries to regain his glory in the ring as a trainer of eight-foot fighting robots. In a desperate effort to court the coveted teen boy demographic, Hollywood has decided to start employing them as scriptwriters and producers

Puss in Boots



Antonio Banderas is receiving plenty of award buzz for his role in this twisted tale of obsession by acclaimed director Pedro Almodovar. This brilliant fairy-tale re-imagining follows the deranged Dr Puss, who has kidnapped the fair Princess Fiona in order to use her as his plastic surgery guinea pig. A body-horror romp for the whole family.

Another Earth



Just your average 'girl meets boy when she kills his entire family in a car accident caused by getting distracted by the announcement of a duplicate earth being discovered in our solar system' flick. Opening at your local Cinema Noveau that has not yet been converted into a Classic with six screens dedicated to Twilight.

My Official Recommendation


Get out your rock 'em-sock 'em robots and spend your Friday filming your own version of Real Steel. Send it to Walt Disney pictures and they'll use it for the sequel.