This is where I share cool shit I find online, give my opinion on the most inane things imaginable and make dodgy jokes. I am of the firm belief that awesome is the awesomest word in the English language.
Someone's made a gingerbread Ewok village. As a not-very-good-at-decorating amateur baker, these kinds of intricate creations cause great wonderment and jealousy. And when the baked goods are geek-inclined, consider my soul owned.
Aren't they cute? And if you have a seething hatred of Ewoks, you can do what I used to do with Caramello Bears - eat them one limb at a time and imagine them begging you to stop. I was a strange child.
Why not have a go at making an Ewok village yourself this festive season for a very special Lucas-inspired Christmas? Then after you've eaten it all, you can settle down for a viewing of the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special. Sure, it's terrible, but you'll slip into a sugar stupor before you've watched long enough to cause brain damage.
Just Music has given its customers a nice little Christmas present - an album sampler of their best and most successful acts. You get radio mainstays like Flash Republic, Zebra & Giraffe and Goodluck, alongside critically acclaimed exports such as Dear Reader and Yoav. The sampler goes beyond the radio tracks you've heard a million times over and focuses on non-single album tracks, acoustic versions and alternate mixes.
Onanists, rejoice! Despite the best efforts of uptight busybodies, a porn channel is coming to satellite tv in January. As the channel's signal originates in godless, moral-less France, there's nothing South African authorities can do to stop the upcoming wanksplosion.
I can't wait to hear the same weak arguments from the repressed puritans that they always dust off whenever there's a hint of greater sexual openness in our culture. Let's see if I can remember them all:
1.) Rape! Porn leads to people becoming unstoppable rapists.
Never mind that there's no evidence to support this. Rape is a crime of power and opportunism, not sexuality. And in sexually repressive cultures, victims find it more difficult to speak out and seek help because of fear of stigmatisation. Violence in the media is a lot more pervasive and dangerous than depictions of consenting sexuality yet doesn't inspire much moral outrage among the usual suspects.
2.) Won't someone think of the children?
Yes, I hope you're thinking of your own children and not expecting the rest of us to raise your little darlings for you. If your little bugger has somehow found a way to subscribe to the channel, sneak the special kind of enabled decoder into their room and replaced your TopTV signal all without you noticing, they should be rewarded for being so resourceful.
3.) God says touching your private bits is wrong.
Cool, but not everyone shares your religion or even your specific religious doctrine. We're a secular nation; respect others' difference of religion or lack of by not imposing your morals on other people.
4.) But...but porn is icky/degrading/poorly-acted.
Then don't watch.
The biggest question I have regarding this porn channel is: who the hell even pays for porn nowadays? It's freely and easily available to anyone who has internet access. Is this the same kind of people who subscribe to those SMS lines incessantly advertised on late night eTV?
I saw this graffiti on Fox Street yesterday. It's about the only way we'll ever see a snowman in Gauteng at Christmas. Good to see that even the Nigerian street artists are getting into the festive spirit.
For some reason, HBO does not see a good reason to release the first season of their critically and commercially successful series Game of Thrones before Christmas so fans will not receiving their favourite grimdark fantasy in their stockings. Instead, they have released pictures of the S1 boxset in order to drive fanboys and fangirls into a frenzied anticipation not seen since Julio Iglesias announced his world tour of nursing homes.
Filmgoers rejoice! Leon Schuster is releasing another crime against comedy in 2012. His latest movie Mad Buddies will be a departure from his tired candid camera schtick. Instead of Schuster catching unwitting subjects in high-larious comedic set-ups, Schuster himself will be the subject of a covert reality show. As per the official Facebook synopsis:
The film kicks off when sworn enemies, Boetie (Schuster) and Beast, played by Kenneth Nkosi (Jerusalema, Tsotsi, White Wedding), are forced to embark on a road trip as unwitting subjects of a new TV reality show devised by a gorgeous TV Producer, Kelsey, played by Tanit Phoenix (Spud, Straight Outta Benoni). On camera, with the whole of South Africa in on the joke, the pair comes unstuck at every stage of this hilarious journey until they discover that they have been conned and join forces to exact revenge.
Forget the Grammys. These are the award nominations that matter. They're the Literary Review's bad sex awards given to the most cringe-worthy sex scenes in novels. Anyone who's ever looked at a cover featuring a shirtless viking, pirate or Fabio should be well-acquainted with terribly-written sex scenes. As should anyone who's read a fantasy novel for that matter. I'm looking at you, George RR Martin.
Seems the Nandos' Last Dictator Standing ad has ruffled the feathers of Robert Mugabe supporters in Harare. A militant ZANU-PF youth group, no doubt led by the Zim version of our own beloved Juju, threatened to boycott the chain if the ad was not withdrawn. This despite the fact that the ad was made by and broadcast for South Africans. Just because it's against the law to make fun of His Idiocy in Zimbabwe doesn't mean the rest of us should stop.
Nandos did not tell them to go sit on an egg. Instead they've pulled the ad from broadcast due to safety concerns over the staff and customers of their Zimbabwe division. For them, it's one thing if the local Mugabe Youth deprive themselves of peri-peri chicken while throwing a tantrum; it's quite another if they threaten innocents. I will refrain from making the obvious 'chickening out' pun that literally every other article on this has decided to use.
I don't see what all the fuss is about. Imagining Mugs playing water pistols with Gaddafi.is the sweetest image I've had of him in years. He's almost cuddly. He should hire Nandos as his PR team in order to reform his image as an evil bloodthirsty kidney-stone of a human being.
Everybody loves free shit. Everybody loves awesome South African music. And if they don't, they bloody well should.
If you love free shit, awesome South African music and have a computer and internet connection at your disposal (which you do unless you are reading this through the power of your mind, in which case download the music straight to your brain), then there are three local acts who have free releases just for you.
With Tintin opening in South Africa this month, I thought this would be a good time for a Tintin fanart megapost. See what happens when Tintin meets the Predator, Cthulhu and Asterix, all under the cut.
