The Year of the Badass Movie Heroine

I love kickass female leads in SFF and action movies. Not Strong Female Characters, who are inconsistently written, have the emotional depth of a penny and are basically life support systems for their boobs, but women who are as well-realised as their male counterparts.

So you can imagine how excited I am that there are several female-led upcoming movies that look pretty damn fantastic. And not one of them is a generic Angelina Jolie action vehicle. Trailers and early buzz are promising and it's a good bet at least a couple of them will make a bazillion dollars and inspire Hollywood to take more chances on female-fronted flicks.

The Hunger Games



What it's about: In a dystopian future, teens are chosen by lottery to fight each other to the death for the benefit of bloodthirsty viewers. It's Battle Royale for the reality TV age.

People have been comparing this to Twilight. It's exactly like Twilight in the way killer whales are exactly like marmosets. The heroine is not an insipid dishrag with a stalker boyfriend and no-one sparkles. Jennifer Lawrence basically reprises her Winter's Bone character only the meth-addicted Hillbillies have been replaced with a city full of oppressive Lady Gagas. Don't put too much stock in the bland trailer: critics are already in love with it and it's set to be the next massive franchise.

Mass appeal: Unlike Twilight, guys will actually be willing to be seen watching this

The Hunger Games comes out 13 April in SA.


Snow White and the Huntsman


What's it about: You know the drill. Evil queen tries to kill Snow White through poisoned produce. Add some Lord of the Rings veneer and you get SWATH.

Here's my secret: despite spending the paragraph above taking cheap shots at Twilight, I actually like Kristen Stewart. I think she's better than the blinking twitching mess that is Bella Swan, so I'm rooting for this movie. And after watching this trailer, I know I'm on the right track. Sure, it may have jacked the Inception music but the spectacular visuals stand on their own. Thor plays the huntsman and Charlize Theron's the fabulous embodiment of wicked vanity who's no doubt going to steal the movie away from everyone else.

Mass appeal: Did I mention the Lord of the Rings veneer? Everyone loves a good epic. Just don't get it mixed up with that other Snow White movie.

Snow White and the Huntsman comes out 01 June in SA.


Prometheus


What's it about: Nosy humans go exploring on a mysterious planet and, as these things tend to go, unleash an unspeakable evil. Measures must be taken to avoid earth being destroyed.

Just watch the trailer. And then look at the awe-inspiring poster. Lisbeth Salander (the original Swedish version) does the Ripley thing in an Alien prequel directed by Ridley Scott himself. Do you really need to know any more than that? Charlize is in this one too but she's probably alien-chow so don't get too attached.

Mass appeal: It's an Aliens movie with the original director back in the helm. No Predator means no cheap cash-grab either.

Prometheus comes out 08 June in SA.


Brave


What's it about: Brave is about a fierce Scottish ginger who hunts, shoots bullseyes and takes on bears. And, uh, accidentally releases a curse onto the land. Whoops.

A new Pixar movie! And they've finally decided to feature a female lead character! There's a wild princess who shoots bows while her parents want her to be delicate and shit. There are kilt jokes and lovely Scottish accents. It's Pixar and there are no Cars involved so it's got about a 95% percent chance of being amazing.

Mass appeal: Do I even need to mention why? Starts with P, ends with ixar. They could make a movie about a talking turd and it would still be a massive hit that has everyone crying in the theatre.
Brave comes out 03 August in SA.

New Lark Video - Stole the Moon

Lark aka My Fave South African Band Ever Fronted By the Sexiest Woman in Music (Seriously Call Me Inge) have released a new video.




There is no moon-stealing in this video. I was hoping it would be a sequel to the Moonlight video with my Banshee Queen Inge Beckmann and her loyal robot dog engaging in moon theft but alas, twas not to be. Instead, there are two and a half minutes of Inge walking backwards and singing followed by 50 seconds of someone messing about on Google Earth.

The earth bits are nicely done - the director literally launched a camera into space - but as it's 50 less seconds of Inge camera-time, I consider it a drawback. To make the video, Inge had to learn the song backwards and at twice the speed. We don't need no stinking special effects in SA. We do our own special effects.

This video's great foreplay but at this point I am just desperate for the new album.

The 10 Worst Fighting Fantasy Covers of All Time

Back when I was a fantasy loving nerdling with suspect taste in books, I was big into gamebooks. This was in Ye Olde 90s before Al Gore invented the internet and the only computer game I had ever played was Alley Cat (Like Canada, my family were late adopters and only experienced the 80s in the 90s). So my main experience with interactive games were through gamebooks - Choose Your Own Adventure books on steroids.

M.I.A Lives Fast, Flips the Bird

M.I.A gives the Saudi Government the metaphorical middle finger with her new video for Bad Girls. She again worked with Romain Gavros, the French director responsible for her Born Free video. This time around, they've moved from ginger-cide to car stunts heavy on the keffiyeh cool.

Are They Serious With This Shit: Crappy Movie Edition

Seen while checking out an Oh No They Didn't movie poster megapost (scroll down slowly for maximum effect):

Dear Reader Does Dancing in the Dark

I like Dear Reader. I like them so much, I named a blog after one of their CDs. So it's no surprise I'm digging this beautiful, lilting acoustic guitar cover of Bruce Springsteen's Dancing in the Dark.



Sure, there's no young Courtney Cox in this version, but if you're a rapid Coxafarian, just put on a DVD of Friends on mute as you listen to this video. You shouldn't though because Cherilyn MacNeil is lovely in her own right and you get to see her emote.

Sexual Immorality Bingo

Top TV CEO Vino Govender has been thrown out on his ass, allegedly because of his attempts to bring a porn channel to the Top TV bouquet. There are other reasons of course, but "Top TV CEO To Be Axed Over Faltering Content Offerings" doesn't quite have the same ring to it. And, because South African society's repressive conservative leanings mean it's more obsessed with sex than it would have you believe, another round of porn ping pong is taking place in the comments sections of online news sources.

The DA Is Down With the Swirl, Nudism

You've got to hand it to the DA: how many people were even aware of the Democratic Alliance Students' Organisation's existence before this ad featuring a mixed-race couple straight out of central casting and the tagline "In our future, you wouldn't look twice". Presumably this future includes the legalisation and acceptance of public nudity because I'm pretty sure more than a few people would look twice at a naked, embracing couple, regardless of race.

Lana Del Rey on Saturday Night Live: A Study in Hype Blowback

Lana Del Rey, the officially anointed Next Big Thing who hasn't even released an album yet, appeared on Saturday Night Live. It was entertaining, at least if you enjoy the audition rounds of televised reality talent shows. In other words, she showed us that it was possible to suck and blow at the same time.

RIP Megaupload

Repent, pirates, for the end is nigh!

Women and Children First: Or Why Idealising the Past is Almost Always Bullshit

I just can't stop doing things that are bad for my health - like listening to 5fm, in particular the gibberings of Grant and Anele, that inane twosome who epitomise everything that is wrong with radio DJs. On today's show, they turned their attention to a bit of SRS BZNS, the sinking of the Costa Concordia off the Italian Coast. Odin spare us from Top 40 radio attempting to tackle any topic with more complexity than a cheese sandwich.

Sean Bean To Return to Game of Thrones in Surprise Role

Breaking news: Sean Bean is slated to return to HBO's hit dwarf porn drama Game of Thrones. The death of Bean's character Ned "Rhymes With Where is my Head" Stark led to a mass exodus of outraged viewers who have never seen a Sean Bean movie ever. In an effort to regain viewers, producers have decided to bring back Bean in a key role. He will now be playing the recast role of Cersei Lannister.

RAMfest Lineup and Some Depressing Thoughts on Local Music Fests

The first few bands of this year's RAMfest have been announced. The Joburg leg, which will be held in Riversands Farm in Fourways, will feature the likes of The Narrow, Fokofpolisiekar, the Shadowclub, Newtown Knife Gang and whoever else the organisers are frantically negotiate terms with. For big-name international acts, there's psychedelic trance DJ Infected Mushroom and metalheads In Flames. Tickets are R350, plus another R30 to R50 if you're planning on camping there for a night or two.